An article from the Daily Mail explains in detail why this blog is necessary. Hats off to Will Robinson - that really is his name, so no doubt you will be repeating "Danger Will Robinson!" Over and over again. The good intentions that make up alternative energy strike again. Poor little birdy. Read about it here folks.

There is also a video of the poor birdy's death, and it happened as hundreds of bird watchers were watching. I found the whole situation hilarious, but your take on it may be different.

Another Example of good intentions run amok - OK, not a good example, but not bad for so early in the day. Check out more at http://www.lucianne.com

Greetings and welcome to my blog.

To properly frame the discussion I will have over the course of this blog I will need to cover a little personal history. Or to put it plainly, relate true stories to make my points.

One of the first gifts my good buddy the Corkster gave me was a custom car he completed while at pottery class. He was just a little guy at the time, and he was fascinated by my job and he wanted to show me how he too had mastered the miracle of painting a car. Corey had painted the porcelain body of a sporty looking clay vehicle red using a brush as only a 3 year old could do. He further customized it with a handfuls of glitter dropped onto the freshly painted surface including the windshield, bumpers and headlights. If you picked the car up and turned it over in your hands you would notice where he signed it for posterity with sticky looking red finger prints on the rough ceramic surface. Corkster was quite proud of his handiwork, and rightly so. The complexity of auto painting was something he had mastered. And he had done what most people never get to do - he painted a car.  I suppose I could have kiln fired the little red car and turned the rough ceramic surface a little smoother, glossing the glaze and melting in the glitter, but I just couldn’t do it. 

Instead I displayed the little red car prominently on my desk for all to see. When it was noticed by co-workers or potential customers, their question would be the same, “Jeez, is that the way you guys paint cars?” My inner devil, pouncing on the opportunity, would make me pause a beat for added suspense, before slyly nodding, “Sometimes”. I liked the looks I got in return almost as much as that little red car. Of course, my answer would raise a question or two from my inquisitor about the auto painting process. I got used to having fun with people while entertaining their questions and explaining to them in quick shorthand just how one does go about painting a car. Sand it. Mask it. Spray it. Clean it. Deliver it. All of it done in one day.

Them: “Do you use robots?”

Me: “No, we use Mexicans”

Them: “You mean Hispanics?”

Me: “Yeah, them too”

Most would be grudgingly impressed, except for those who were significantly anal, or those from my company’s advertising department who would let me know, while pointing at the little red car’s imperfections, “No wonder it looks like that”. 

Squinting and feigning curiosity as to what they really meant I would ask them, “You mean because we use Hispanics instead of robots?”

Obviously miffed because I asked them an impolite question, they would insist, “No, because you paint them in one day!”

It is easy to understand their confusion. They mistook the efficiency of modern production paint processes with the complexity of auto painting they had carried in the back of their minds since childhood.  It had to be impossible that by simply following assembly line logic, viola, a car is magically painted in one day. No, that had to be impossible. There had to be more to it – damn it! And I would give them a resigned look and nod again in agreement. Yes, more to it indeed. Not only do we paint your car in one day, we paint a lot more of them every day. Painting more than one car isn’t hard if you follow a logical well thought out process. Sanders sand, Maskers mask, Painters paint, Detailers clean, we followed this process over and over again.

The most difficult part of auto painting was not the production painting process.  Not by a long shot. 

Difficulty usually began with those customers who were visiting us in order to change the color of their vehicle. The hardest, most complex part of our jobs began after asking the customer, “What color can we paint that today?” Magically, as if struck all at once by lightning and the sudden urge to pee all thought processes would stop in the customer’s head. Even the most decisive type A personalities became unable to make a color decision. 

Now, to be fair, it is understandable for people to have reservations about what color they should choose. After all they have to drive the finished product. How their car looks and handles says quite a bit about who they are. In some places, especially car mad southern California, image is everything. A color decision, if made incorrectly, could induce paralyzing anxiety attacks in the customer.  I have no doubt that several Santa Mohicans (I like that identifier better than Santa Monicans or whatever those characters in the People’s Republic of Santa Monica, California like to call themselves)  needed quite comprehensive therapy sessions to get over their experience with having to make the decision, “What color should I paint my car?”

Though a simple task, deciding on a color could become an almost life or death proposition for some folks. Customers would often hem and haw, and after mulling their predicament they would ask the inevitable question:  “What do you think the color should be?” 

This, ladies and gentlemen is where your good intentions can pave the way to your own personal vision of hell. I learned early to never volunteer an answer to that question.

RULE #1: The customer always picks the color! My answer to the question of color always was, “Mr/Mrs/Ms Customer this may seem ironic, because you know I deal with colors every day, but I’m sorry - I’m color blind”.  There were a few very good reasons for me to answer their question that way. Reason #1: Painting is subjective and the quality of painting is always subject to debate. Sometimes that debate could become quite loud, personal, and bordering on violent with some of my customers embracing their inner Mohican and performing an angry color change dance in our parking lot. If a customer is told what color their vehicle should be painted then that vehicle will usually be repainted for free. 

Why? The customer will hate the color. Count on it. Ever heard of the maxim “The Customer Is Always Right”? He or she is if you picked their color for them, because they will hate it, and you will paint it again. Reason #2:  I have been and probably always will be a bastard. There is a bit of a devil in me and I let him out from time to time.

Now I told you that story so I can begin my blogging about the perils of “Good Intentions”.  So what will this blog focus on? The answer is simple really – the axiom, “The way to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions”. This blog will cover the gamut of good intentions run amok. 

I am no longer in the auto painting business. But many examples of good intentions that I will detail here will come from history, literature, and of course, my personal experience.

I am doing this with no good intentions on my part, and there is no secret altruistic motive on my part. Some things covered here will enrage you. Some will make you laugh. Some things will cause you to seek therapy – and you know who you are – tough shit.   

Look forward to sharing with you, JHP2