Good Intentions Paving Company

December 17, 2014

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well. Margaret Thatcher

Sony Pictures’ internal power structure and business model is facing relentless scrutiny because a group of hackers have stolen and released all manner of internal documents to the public. Media outlets are gleefully reproducing the stolen property for public consumption. The Sony Pictures employees and the American public have been threatened. Hollywood stars and personnel have been dissed and it looks like it may get worse. Harrumph!

The hacked documents include private business emails that were not intended to be disseminated by the public. I have read them, and some of them are funny, although I have to wonder if by reading them I am breaking the law. And I wonder if media outlets that publish the stolen goods (and therefore make money off them) are trafficking in stolen goods. Not to put too fine a point on it but if you steal something and/or fence stolen goods – isn’t that a crime? I think that is a crime everywhere except in the far-east where it is called making a living through piracy, and is thought to be a birthright.

The probable hackers, usually self-identifying millennials who still live in their parent’s basements while smoking dope and not bathing regularly, are known as “Black Hats” and are the more evil cousins of the hacker family of slackers that are classified as “White Hats”.  The “Black Hats” are further differentiated into groups of “Noobs”, “Script Kiddies” and Eastern European gangsters. Or this is state sponsored hacking called cyber-terrorism. I am struck by the irony of the hats – bad guys versus good guys in Hollywood Westerns. How appropriate that.

The hackers are pissed at Sony, or they simply can’t pass up an easily done hack. Sony’s Playstation was hacked before and resulted in private customer data being lost. Sony has a reputation among hackers of being the girl who is a pushover in the electronic industry. Every hacker wanted a shot at it. In fairness, I have owned Sony Vaio computers now for 10 years and I like them. I won’t be buying another. Sony has exited the personal computer business.

Most of the media delights dishing gossip and this theft of private intellectual property is showcasing that. There are emails about Leo, Angelina, and somewhat notorious directors/producers. There were digital copies of unreleased movies stolen. And I’m confident that this hack will keep major cable/dsl companies from allowing Sony’s Playstation from streaming premium content as the Microsoft Xbox currently does with no problems (but users must cough up the hated annual fee to Microsoft).

A lot of attention has been paid in this fiasco to – in my opinion – a non-starter Sony movie starring Seth Rogen and James Franco, The Interview. I did not like Rogen’s last film Neighbors primarily due to the fact I don’t smoke dope and from what I have heard not smoking dope makes it impossible to get the intended meaning cleverly stitched into the plot. The Interview concerns a planned assassination plot of the latest leader of family run North Korea by two (stoned – I’m guessing here) media types that have miraculously scored a face to face interview with him. Hilarity ensues.

Somebody must have forgot to inform North Korea. Following in the Korean hobby of showing the world that they are petulantly pissed at all times, the Norks have insinuated that they were responsible for the Sony hack job. Hilarity ensues! But the family of Nork leaders have been comedic fodder for simply ages.

I even used the dead Nork – father of the current Nork, as a model for a type of college football fan, the bandwagon Trojan.

The latest Sony hack has really turned into a page turner. We have learned Hollywood stars/directors/writers/flacks/camp followers and known associates can be tantrum pitching experts! Who knew? After reading some of the released emails I usually feel like I need a shower. Even Obama was speculated about by these Hollywood types. But again in the words of that great actor Bart Simpson, “Those people know everything!”

As I understand it we are still waiting for a Christmas surprise from the hackers. The premiere for The Interview in NYC was cancelled. There have been 9/11 style threats from the hackers too. It may even spill over into a dog-pile of disenchanted community organizers each with their own reason for celebrating! Whatever happens, I’m sure Rogen and Franco are secretly high-fiving each other while gushing, “You can’t even pay for advertising like this!”